


Hold On

by Arke



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Dom/Sub Undertones (sort of), M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 20:22:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11448369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arke/pseuds/Arke
Summary: This give-and-take between them is all about knowing when to hold on and when to let go.





	Hold On

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sparkly_butthole](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkly_butthole/gifts).



> Happy (really, really, ridiculously late) birthday, sparkly_butthole! :D

The cabin door had barely closed behind them by the time Shepard had his hands on Kaidan, taking fistfuls of his starchy uniform and pushing him back against the aquarium, holding him still as their lips crashed together – too hot and fierce, a raging flame that could no longer be contained.

It had always been a matter of trust.  The push and pull of battle and the moments between.  The flux and flow of control and surrender.  The scattered puzzle pieces that only they knew how to fit back together.

On the battlefield, their hands clenched over the handles of their guns or, on the worst occasions, scrambled for purchase against slick armor plating when slung over a shoulder for support.  Always holding on to the moment, to the adrenaline, to each other.

Adrenaline numbed their senses on the field and heat overpowered them when the fight was over.  They offered their backs to unwavering loyalty and dedication, just the same as they offered their craned necks to strong hands and hot tongues.  The power that comes with absolute trust in both soul and body, how a single touch could make their breaths hitch in unison or send shivers down their spines.

This give-and-take between them was all about knowing when to hold on and when to let go.

Hands on each other’s arms and chests and necks, roaming over starchy fabric and tearing at any clasps they could reach, they began to pry open their uniforms and expose the heated skin buried beneath.  Kaidan shuddered, holding on to Shepard’s biceps as the commander’s callused fingers spread out over his pecs and finally dipped down the small of his back, tugging him closer until there was no space left between them.

Their lips parted on a shared groan when their bare chests came into contact, hard muscles flexing and tensing against one another, hands scrambling to draw open one another’s belts.  Kaidan tipped his head back against the glass and squeezed his eyes shut when Shepard palmed him over his boxer-briefs.

“John, I want—”

Shepard trailed his mouth up the side of Kaidan’s neck and to the hinge of his jaw, nipping and marking his flesh along the way, and suddenly the words were lost to actions.  Hips bucking against each other and hands groping for more.  Fabric pulling against fabric and skin burning with the incredible friction.  Tongues meeting in the middle, twisting and twining against one another in a tacit contest of resolve.

Raw need thrummed through Shepard’s veins and coiled low in his gut, his hands sprawling out dangerously close to the hem of Kaidan’s boxer-briefs, threatening to delve inside and claim him now.  He pulled back, catching Kaidan’s lower lip between his teeth.  He let go only when he saw Kaidan’s eyes flutter open, already drowning in that familiar haze of lust. 

Kaidan licked a messy line over the indent left in his bottom lip, watching Shepard’s sharp blue eyes follow the subtle movement of his tongue, a predatory gaze that dragged him out into the open and laid him bare, exposing every hidden desire.

Shepard knew exactly what he wanted.  What they both wanted.

“I’m going to fuck you, Kaidan.”

The words crawled up Kaidan’s spine, burning against the stinging cold of the aquarium glass, sending his eyes shuttering closed and his lips parting on a breathless sigh.  He let himself fall into Shepard’s hold – those strong hands leading him down the short staircase and to the bed, that tongue probing past the seam of his lips and claiming his every breath and stifling his every moan.

Stopping at the foot of the bed, Shepard trailed his tongue along the roof of Kaidan’s mouth, the tip tracing across the back of his teeth on one last demand, and Kaidan opened his eyes when it finally left him, a short string of saliva collapsing between them as they slowly inched apart.

He knew the drill.  With Shepard’s hand on the nape of his neck, rough fingertips skimming over his amp port, Kaidan dropped to his knees.

He tugged at the hem of Shepard’s trousers and licked a long stripe up the bulge that strained against his briefs.  Shepard grinned when Kaidan’s hands grazed over the lines of his hips, rough palms and dexterous fingers pulling the material down and exposing his erection in one smooth motion.

“I always did admire your enthusiasm, Major.”

Kaidan glanced up at him and returned the smirk.  “Do you know how lucky you are?”

Kaidan gripped the base of the shaft and trailed his tongue along the underside, and Shepard’s grin grew a little wider.

“You remind me every day.”

Shepard threaded his fingers through Kaidan’s hair, and Kaidan’s eyes locked on his immediately, a hint of teasing defiance burning behind that whiskey-dark hue despite the flush creeping up his neck.  Kaidan’s lips parted over the head and slid down, torturously slow, pausing halfway and pulling back up, a pointed tongue following the vein to the tip.

Shepard’s breath hitched.  “You’re a tease, Kaidan,” he said, tilting his head back slightly, words slurring into a short moan.

That little quirk of Kaidan’s eyebrow was impossible to miss, a smug curl adorning the corner of his mouth as his lips closed around the shaft again.

Kaidan’s eyes fell closed as he took everything Shepard had to give.  Shepard bit back a groan of pleasure, attempting to keep himself reined as Kaidan hastened his pace, lips tight around the hot flesh, cheeks hollowed, tongue curving along the underside and laving the weeping slit on every backstroke.  The pleasure of that wet heat threatened to wrench control from his grasp.  The sight of the sticky line of saliva and pre-cum weaving its way down one side of Kaidan’s chin sent a shudder up his spine.

Shepard watched Kaidan through half-lidded eyes, resisting the urge to let himself go then and there.  His grip loosened as he pulled Kaidan back, slowly and deliberately, and he let out a soft groan at the sight of his erection sliding out from between those full, reddened lips, the shaft shiny with too much saliva and the tip left resting against Kaidan’s tongue.

Kaidan opened his eyes and began panting, hot breaths wafting over already-hot flesh.  Shepard groaned as he looked down at him.  A gloss of sweat already showed at Kaidan’s hairline, damp and warm under the palm of his hand.  Dark locks stuck in messy lines as Shepard dragged his fingers back through it.

Shepard gathered up the single bead of sweat at Kaidan’s temple and brought it to his lips, tasting the salt on his tongue, relishing in the pure need in Kaidan’s eyes as he looked up at him – wanting, desperate for that hand to touch him one more time.

“This is a good look for you,” Shepard said with a grin.

Kaidan had barely opened his mouth to respond when Shepard grabbed his biceps and hauled him to his feet.  The tongue that immediately pressed past his lips silenced whatever words he may have thought he could get in edgewise. 

They shared every breath, every muffled moan that slipped between their meshed lips, every languid stroke of their tongues as they met over and over again.

And then Shepard let go.  He pulled back slowly, sharp blue eyes peering back at Kaidan through a lustful haze.  Kaidan’s lower lip quivered, cheeks flushed and words stuck in his throat.

He knew what would come next.

Shepard turned him around, hands capturing his neck, fingertips pressing at the edge of _too hard_.  Kaidan shuddered in his grasp and tilted his head forward.  Shepard trailed his tongue over the nape of Kaidan’s neck and began to draw his hands over his shoulders, drawing the uniform off him with such measured control that it made Kaidan groan.

“God, you’re perfect, Kaidan.”

Shepard’s voice drifted over his shoulder.  Shepard’s lips pressed against his bare neck.  Shepard’s hands wandered and caressed and mapped out every intricacy of latticed muscle.

Kaidan let his eyes fall closed, biting his lip as Shepard’s hands divested him of his shirt and then settled at the small of his back.  There was no one else he would give himself to – the sight of him flushed and panting, the sound of his voice drowning in desire, the feel of his scarred skin and the taste of his sweat as he unraveled at the seams.

“John…”

“Yeah.”  A warm breath of a word caressing his shoulder.  A warm tongue teasing along the shell of his ear.  “I got you, Kaidan.”

He felt Shepard’s bare chest against his back, Shepard’s hands grazing over his body and stripping the remnants of his uniform from him, Shepard’s tongue following the curve of his spine, Shepard’s stubble scratching along the same path.

Shepard’s hands pushed at the dip between Kaidan’s shoulder blades and slid up to the nape of his neck, pressing him into the mattress.  Kaidan turned his head and cracked his eyes open to look back, lips parted, breaths coming in spurts too short and too desperate.  Shepard mounted the bed behind him, shrugging off his trousers and kicking off his boots, knees cratering the mattress between Kaidan’s.

Kaidan held his breath.  He knew he was entirely exposed, his ass in the air in way that would have been obscene; but Shepard was there, holding on to him, the tops of his thighs pressing against the backs of Kaidan’s, his throbbing erection sliding between Kaidan’s cheeks on a few slow thrusts.

Kaidan shut his eyes and tried to breathe.

He trusted Shepard with every vulnerability, every scratch and scar, every crack in the surface that was normally hidden beneath thick armor plating.  He trusted his body to Shepard’s strong hands, themselves scratched and scarred and roughened by war.  Hands that could so easily bruise his flesh.  Hands that knew when to seize control and when to release him, to let him fall back into himself.

Hands that settled on his cheeks and fingertips that pressed into his skin, blunt nails that carved red patterns as they trailed toward the small of his back.  Kaidan waited, his own hands curling into the sheets, anticipation coursing through his veins and tension twisting through his gut.  He waited as one of Shepard’s hands grazed over his waist and held on, a silent command.  He waited and tried to stay still even as Shepard moved against him, even as the dry friction made every nerve sing.

The first smack came without warning.

His body jerked forward.  He turned his head and caught a few folds in the sheet between his teeth, an ultimately futile attempt to muffle the long moan that slipped between them.

“John,” he rasped, his teeth releasing the sheet, his tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip.  “Again.”

Shepard cocked an eyebrow, a smug grin tugging at one corner of his lip.

“Kaidan.”  It was both an admonishment for the sudden boldness and a mark of surprise.

There was heat on his right cheek, an impossibly soft touch tracing a lazy circle over the reddening flesh, and then a palm flattening out over it, massaging the sore skin almost apologetically.

The warmth of his touch, the intimacy in letting himself go pliant under Shepard’s hands in every way he knew how – all strangely intoxicating, burning away any reflex to recoil from the pain.

The second blow was harder, firmer, and Kaidan’s eyes clenched shut.

“Fuck…!”

A blow to his other cheek had him panting Shepard’s name like a mantra.

And Shepard set a bruising pace, alternating between cheeks, hands fluctuating between smoothing out over the heated flesh exposed to them and digging into it, craving the tension against his own skin and the sight of the muscles in Kaidan’s back flexing with every movement.

Again and again and again.

Kaidan’s hands fisted in the sheets, head tipping back slightly, mouth opening to a gape, unable to restrain the filthy moans that boiled out of his lungs.  His breathing grew ragged, his body trembled beyond his control, and his skin burned, just like they did every time – every time he let Shepard break him and put him back together.

Not that he was willing to completely surrender just yet.

He swallowed hard, breath hitching when he opened his mouth again, eyes going dark with need.  He felt Shepard’s hands settle on his back, awaiting direction.

“John.”

Shepard let out a breathless chuckle.  That was more than enough.

He reached for Kaidan’s neck, a rough palm sliding over the perspiring skin like it would the handle of a gun, firm and with focused intent.  A groan and a few panted breaths slipped from Kaidan’s mouth, his Adam’s apple shifting against the ridges of Shepard’s fingers until he turned his hand the other way, fingertips curling up and over the biotic’s chin and brushing backward against the day-old stubble.

A finger pressed past those kiss-bruised lips and into the wet heat of his mouth.  Kaidan shivered but accepted it, so Shepard added another.  And then he pulled back, watching Kaidan crane his neck and arch his back as he was drawn up from his forearms, hands scrambling for purchase on sweat-dampened sheets.

With a single thrust of his hips, Kaidan trembled beneath him, tongue curling around Shepard’s fingers as the commander’s erection throbbed between his spread cheeks.  Another smack on his ass had Kaidan shuddering forward, teeth clamping down over Shepard’s fingers the slightest bit.  Kaidan turned his head and cast a sideways glance over his shoulder.

Stray locks of hair sticking to his damp forehead and temples.  Eyes half-lidded and somehow defiant.  A string of saliva weaving its way down his chin from the corner of his lip.  Teeth dragging over Shepard’s knuckles before releasing them.

It was quite possibly the hottest thing Shepard had ever seen.

“You have no idea what you do to me, Kaidan.”

He ground his hips against Kaidan’s on short, experimental thrusts, pre-cum leaking from the tip and dragging along the underside of the shaft on every stroke.

“Feel that?”  Shepard’s voice was soft, soothing, a sharp contrast to the delicious friction of his erection sliding between Kaidan’s cheeks.  “You make me so fucking hard.”

A filthy groan from Kaidan slipped between Shepard’s fingers, the wetness of his tongue and the deep vibrations against his flesh sending him to his limit.  Sharp blue eyes, glazed over with desire, trailed over every inch of the body beneath him.

The veins bulging on the back of Kaidan’s hands as they clenched the sheets.  The defined lattice of muscle tensing and flexing as Kaidan’s breathing grew ragged and his muscles strained to hold him upright.  The beads of sweat slowly pooling into a thin line between Kaidan’s shoulder blades, begging to be licked clean.

Finally, he removed his fingers and spread them, watching the line of saliva collapse between them, callused skin slick and shiny up to the last knuckle.  He reached down to Kaidan’s erection and trailed his fingers along the shaft from base to tip, circling the head, mixing pre-cum and saliva.  He wrapped his hand around it and began to stroke, quick and fluid motions that had Kaidan trembling under his touch.

“J-John,” he stuttered, voice tight.

Shepard stroked him faster, harder, relishing in the choked gasp that erupted from Kaidan’s throat – and suddenly he let go, bringing both hands to Kaidan’s cheeks and spreading them.  Kaidan was agonizingly close to the edge, pre-cum dripping onto the sheet between his knees.  Shepard leaned down, fingers digging into Kaidan’s flesh as he pressed his mouth to his lover’s shoulder.  His lips were too soft, a demand masquerading as a suggestion.

“You know what comes next,” Shepard breathed against his shoulder.

He drew back and watched one of Kaidan’s hands release its vise grip on the sheet, unsteady fingers sprawling out over the material and slowly inching toward the edge of the bed.  His arm quivered as it reached for the nightstand and fumbled through the drawer, twitching muscles glistening under a fine sheen of sweat, and Shepard smirked when the bottle of lube was unceremoniously handed off to him.  Kaidan slumped forward onto his forearms once more, fingers curling in the sheet in anticipation.

“John.”  A single breath of a word, fraught with need.  “Please, John—”

He heard the click of the bottle being uncapped and drew in a sharp breath, tension coiling low in his gut.  But the silent stillness that followed was unbearable.  He finally turned his head to look back at Shepard: that smug grin plastered upon his face, those piercing blue eyes now torturously dark, those full lips glossy with saliva.

“What do you want, Kaidan?”

A mutter of frustration boiled out of his throat.  “Damn it, John…”

“What was that?” Shepard asked, eyes fixed on the bottle in his hand as he began to coat one finger with lube.

“F-Fuck…”

Shepard finally looked back at him, and Kaidan’s breath caught on a hitched gasp.  He collapsed to the mattress in surrender, carelessly pressing the side of his face into the sheet and closing his eyes.

“Fuck me, John.”

“Hm.”

A low hum of approval was the only preamble; a lube-slicked finger thrust inside him, and Kaidan jolted forward, hands clenching the sheet tighter and tighter as the digit pressed in to the last knuckle.  Shepard trailed his free hand up Kaidan’s thigh and to his hip, fingertips tracing over quivering muscles and ridged scars and hot skin, agonizingly slow and gentle, revering the intricacies of the perfect form laid bare before him.

A second finger pressed in beside the first, and Kaidan tensed beneath him, biting his lip to quell the long moan that festered at the base of his throat.  He began shifting his hips, silently begging those fingers to find that perfect angle, that perfect depth, and Shepard gripped his waist to hold him in place.

The words were a mess of frantic breaths and desperate groans when they slipped out.

“God, please – J-John, fuck—”

“I know, Kaidan.”

The fingers left him and his muscles tensed.  He heard the bottle’s cap again flick open with a _pop_ and he arched his back.  He felt Shepard’s hand trace its way down the small of his back, a soft and reverent touch.  He heard the slippery sound of Shepard’s hand fisting over his own erection and every tiny groan that the commander failed to suppress.

“John—”

The name bled into a long moan as Shepard pressed forward into the tight ring of muscle, sheathing himself to the hilt, tipping his head back at the sensation, watching from beneath fluttering eyelashes as Kaidan trembled in his grasp.  Every hard muscle twitching, every scattered scar shifting upon battle-worn skin, every hitched breath and sharp gasp that pled for air.

And Shepard’s words were barely there, scrambling for purchase at something, anything—

“Kai— Kaidan…”

He stayed still, adjusting to the heat, the friction, the pull of muscle all around him, all while Kaidan stayed with him, thighs quivering against his and hands clenching the sheets with all they could bear.  Shepard tilted his head forward, swallowing hard, feeling the awkward shift of his Adam’s apple in his throat, every moan of pleasure forced down underneath what control he had left.

He pulled back, just a few inches, just enough to watch himself slide out of that puckered hole – just enough to make Kaidan gasp, breath catching and stinging in his throat.

“J-John, god… yes…”

He pressed back in, hard and with undeniable intent.

“Ah— John… J-Joh…”

Shepard answered him with a moan, unrestrained, deep, and throaty.  And Kaidan cried out, a sentence that had fallen apart somewhere within a broken groan of pleasure.  Frantic breaths made the cabin’s air thick with the heat of desire.  Gasps and groans punctuated the sounds of skin slapping against skin as Shepard set a steady rhythm.

It was instinct, second nature like the flux and flow of battle, adrenaline coursing through their veins and heat flaring in their nerves in a shared rhythm all their own.

Shepard slapped his left cheek, then his right, and Kaidan tensed beneath him, panting his name between sharp gasps and stuttering exhales.  He pushed in again as his hands grazed over the lattice of muscles at Kaidan’s waist and back and shoulders and down again.

He drove in hard, once, twice, reveling in the feeling, in the sounds of flesh slapping against flesh and of his lover’s moans devolving into pleading whimpers.  He gripped Kaidan’s cheeks and spread them, flesh warm and flushed beneath the palms of his hands, fingernails digging into his hips just enough to leave tiny, semicircular bruises in their wake.  He set an unrelenting pace, hard and fast and with a rhythm designed to keep Kaidan on the brink.

He leaned down, pulling his stomach flush against Kaidan’s back and licking a long stripe up one shoulder blade as it shifted erratically with every thrust.  Kaidan shivered at the contact and picked his head up slightly, disheveled hair sticking to his temples, eyes cracking open to find Shepard’s returning the gaze, swimming in lust and yet undeniably in control.

A hand weaved its way up his flank and around his neck, fingers clenching a little too tightly as they held his head back just enough to give Shepard the angle he needed to take Kaidan’s earlobe between his teeth and clamp down hard.

Kaidan was slowly losing himself under the haze of it all: the way Shepard’s stubble brushed against his cheek, the way Shepard’s breaths wafted about his ear and warmed his skin, the way Shepard’s barely-there moans of pleasure slipped through his teeth in time with his thrusts.

“J-John—”

The choked groan that escaped into the air chipped away at Shepard’s control.  His thrusts grew rougher, more erratic, until Kaidan’s eyes fluttered shut and he looked like he had reached the point of no return.

Then Shepard let go.

He drew back and pulled out, watching Kaidan slump back onto the mattress with a gasp and a string of curses.  He grabbed Kaidan’s hips and flipped him over onto his back, never giving Kaidan a chance to open his eyes before he thrust in again, burying himself to the hilt in one rough movement.

Kaidan shuddered beneath him, hands clenching the sheet in tight fistfuls, lips parting on a few broken words.

“ _Fuck_ , Jo—”

Shepard pulled back and slammed back home, rough and deliberate, and Kaidan tilted his head back, words fading into a desperate moan.  His nails dug into Kaidan’s waist, holding him still as their hips rolled together, every thrust as perfect as the last – deep, forceful lunges into the perfect body laid so wantonly before his eyes.

He watched Kaidan writhe beneath him.

The muscles in his arms twitching as his fingers curled into the sheets.  The aquarium’s light tracing the sharp angles of his face and casting shadows over sweat-dampened skin.  The saliva shining on his lips as they quivered with every panted breath and every needy moan.

“You’re so— you’re fucking beautiful like this…”

Kaidan bit his lip, and then a sharp gasp forced them apart, revealing the tiny indent left behind.  His back arched from the bed, a bead of pre-cum breaking against Shepard’s stomach as his erection brushed against it on a long, languid stroke.

Shepard knew this moment all too well: his breaths catching in his throat, his eyes fluttering with the sensation, his grip tightening in a struggle to hold on to this moment forever. 

“Look at me, Kaidan.”

Kaidan slowly opened his eyes.  Shepard gazed back down at him, brow damp and lips pressed into a hard line – but his eyes were unfathomably deep.

The words had lost some of their fire, the commanding tone so characteristic of him on the battlefield and in the boardroom now so much smaller, softer, in this tiny space between them.

“I want to see you come,” Shepard said.  “I want to see you lose yourself.  I… I want to see you let go.”

Kaidan swallowed hard, eyes darting back and forth between Shepard’s during some stolen moment.  He knew what this all meant.  He knew that there was no hope of going back.  And he knew that Shepard would find him, pull him back from the brink, and hold on to him with everything he had.

Shepard took him in hand, rough fingers spreading pre-cum from the head down the shaft and back up again.  His thrusts grew more erratic as the tension twisted through his gut, burning beneath his skin, warm flesh writhing against warm flesh on every motion, the musk of sweat and the sound of eager moans making the air between them nearly too thick to breathe.

“Jo…hn.”  Kaidan’s voice had cracked somewhere in the middle.  “P-Please.”

And yet, one look told him that Shepard was just as lost as he was.

“Come… come with me, Kaidan – together.”

Kaidan’s hands darted up and tugged Shepard down, crashing their lips together on messy strokes, too hot and too frantic and utterly perfect, each of them giving everything he had, each of them taking everything the other would give.

Shepard thrust harder, deeper.  Shepard stroked him faster.  And there was nothing but the two of them, lost in the heat of one another’s flesh, lost in the sounds of panted breaths and skin sliding over skin, lost in the depths of one another’s eyes as they watched each other sink further and further.

A few more strokes sent Kaidan over the edge, his hips bucking up, his muscles trembling against Shepard’s, his erection pulsing in his lover’s hand as he came, long ropes of cum marking both of their stomachs.  He moaned into Shepard’s mouth, muscles tensing with every wave of his orgasm, hands frantically weaving down Shepard’s shoulders and arms and back up again, holding Shepard close as he let himself go.

That was enough.  It was more than enough.

Shepard buried himself to the hilt and came with a shuddering groan, lips quivering against Kaidan’s until he finally had to pull back, spent lungs desperate for air.  With a couple more shallow thrusts, he rode the shockwaves as long as he could, heat pooling in his gut as he watched every little contortion on Kaidan’s face – the pleasure, the desire, the overwhelming love filling his eyes to the brim.

He touched Kaidan reverently now.  Palms flattening out over his jaw.  Fingertips sliding over the base of his neck.  Thumbs brushing backward against the graying hair at his temples, the color just a hint darker with the sweat that trailed down the sides of his face.

Watching him let go had always given Shepard so many more reasons to hold on.

“You know I can’t resist when you look up at me like that,” he said with a smirk.

Kaidan cocked an eyebrow, returning the grin with a teasing smile of his own.  “I know.”

Shepard kissed the little creases at the corners of his mouth, their damp foreheads touching as they slowly breathed together, their hearts beating in unison as their chests rose and fell together, their eyes softening in that shared gaze as they smiled against each other’s lips.

Kaidan cupped Shepard’s jaw in his hands and kissed him, just once more.

“I love you, John.”

“Yeah.”  He held Kaidan a little tighter.  “I love you, too.”

They closed their eyes.

The comedown was always like this – reality sinking back into place, time regaining its footing and marching onward, the galaxy resuming its slow spiral out of control – but it was the stolen moment itself that made it worthwhile.  The contented smile that would form on Kaidan’s face as he settled against Shepard’s chest.  The hands that would spread out over each other’s waists and shoulders and hold on for all they could.  The lingering sweat that would go cold upon their flesh as they spared themselves just a few more minutes to embrace each other and breathe each other in and love each other in every way possible.

These were the moments worth holding on to.


End file.
